So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
