Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
