What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
