apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
