True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
