I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
