I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
