Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize