i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
