You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize