He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
