If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
