I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
