At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize