No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
