We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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