I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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