You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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