she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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