Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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