New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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