i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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