Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
