I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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