You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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