Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
