Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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