nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
