Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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