HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
