What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
