i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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