Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
