i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
