do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
