Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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