My hand turned me down
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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