I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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