The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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