Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
