This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
