OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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