she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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