i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
