She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
