his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
