Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
