just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
