yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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