but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
