I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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