bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
