i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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