she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The air was thick with penises
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
