I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
