Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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