I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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