I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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