Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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