I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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