You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
