CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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