Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
