I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
