I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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