Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
