Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize