god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
