sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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