it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
