Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
