Sober January is a disaster.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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